She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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