so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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