i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
