Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
