sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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