I think i peed on brittanys purse
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Terrible idea I love it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
