Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
