I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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