My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
