I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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