I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
