now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I didn't notice because vodka
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
