Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
