If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
