I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
