Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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