You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
