I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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