I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
