the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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