OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
