There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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