I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
