I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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