I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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