He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
