You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
