Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
