I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
