I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
