It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize