upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
