if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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