Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
