Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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