I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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