Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
