The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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