yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wear drunk well.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
