Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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