I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
