Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
honey bunches of taint.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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