Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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