About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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