You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
