Only a mothe r could love this liver
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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