yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
