this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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