You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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