I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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