The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
