just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
