i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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