420 ftw
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
