So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
