He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
