I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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