I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
