.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize