Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
