When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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