Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's the barista slut.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
