My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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