I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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