Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
