i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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