There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
