WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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