I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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