it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
