Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
