we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
