i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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