Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
