just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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