My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
