I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
