My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sorry about my life...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
