His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize