Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
