What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
