One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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