apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
