I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
