My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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