omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
