She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize