i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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