Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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