Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize