Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
