I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize