she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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