Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
