Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
