i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
