I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
