I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
