Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
