the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
