I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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