it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
