In the future we'll all be gay
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
