put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize