Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
