your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize