I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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