i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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