I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
