I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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