Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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