we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
