when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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