just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
