my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Randomize
