there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
