So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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