I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
